Tomorrow marks a new chapter in my life of Mommyhood. Up to this point, I have been a stay-home mom. I've had a few periods of time away from my children, but for the most part, it's been me and Joshua...then me, Joshua, and Anna...and then me, Joshua, Anna, and Matthew. The four of us, marching through their childhood together.
That all ends tomorrow morning at 7:00 am.
For some time now - six years, in fact - I have been pursuing a dream. I have been working towards a Masters degree in Special Ed for the past six years with the eventual goal of teaching at the secondary level. Many life events have come during those six years - namely, the arrival of my three beautiful children! Through it all, though, I knew this was a calling God had placed on my life. I knew that eventually, I wanted to be out in the world, teaching those kids who need help the most. Even as I pursued this with great excitement and fervor, I knew that it meant that one day, this moment would come: when I would no longer be home with my kids all day.
It's a good time for this transition. Lots of changes happening. Joshua starts kindergarten this week. Anna starts preschool in a few weeks. Matthew, well, he's the most adaptable of the three, he'll just go with the flow. And Mommy is headed back to middle school for her student teaching semester. In December I will have my degree, and I will hopefully have some job prospects.
I know that I know that I know that this is where God has us a family. Everything has been aligned. My childcare situation is one I could have only dreamed about. I have scholarship and grants this semester to help with the costs. The kids have been prepared. All the details have come into place.
Beyond that, there is more that tells me this is the right place for us. I am ready to do something else. Let me be clear: I love my kids with a fierceness that frightens me sometimes. When I drop them off at my friend's house tomorrow, I am going to cry buckets. This is going to be difficult. However, I am ready to be out of the house. I am ready to pursue the dreams that God has given me. It's not that I don't enjoy being a SAHM. But I am ready for the next stage of life God has for our family. I know He is taking care of us, and I know He would not have placed this desire in my heart or brought us to this moment if it wasn't the best for our family.
At the same time...there is trepidation. How will I get along all day without those three smiling faces? I'm going to miss things. I will miss out on some of Anna's crazy antics. I will miss some first words of Matthew's. I will miss the spontaneous hugs that Joshua gives me just when he knows I need them. I will miss trips to the library, cuddling on the couch during cartoons, dancing in the living room with the music cranked. I also fear for them - how will they do with all this? Are they ready to be away from Mommy full-time? Am I ready to be away from them full-time?
And yet...it is time. When God says go...you GO!
So with fear and trembling and excitement, I face my last night at home (at least for a semester) as a SAHM. Tomorrow, I become a working mom. I am excited. I am thrilled. I am scared to death. But I know that my God is with me and has been and will continue to carry us through to the next phase in our family's life.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” - Joshua 1:9