Friday, June 15, 2012

Absurd Mommy Moments

Any mother knows that this gig comes with an enormous number of moments that are so absurd, you never would have imagined yourself in such situations under "normal" circumstances.  Whatever "normal" is.  This morning, I found myself kissing Buzz Lightyear four or five times at Matthew's request in order to make Buzz's owies feel better.  This is absurd enough in itself.  However, it becomes MORE absurd when you know how it got started...because I myself suggested it.  Matthew was very concerned about Buzz in his state of injury, so to soothe him, I suggested I kiss Buzz to make it better. He liked the idea so much he brought Buzz to me about four more times throughout the morning for the same treatment.  I supposed I got myself into that one.

This event got me thinking - what other absurd mommy moments have I experienced lately?

Such as...

- Running out of time to eat breakfast in the morning so grabbing a Pop-Tart from the emergency stash in your glove box and a Capri Sun off the lunch supplies shelf to eat in the van on the way to school.

- Standing in the store trying desperately to figure out how to make a 10-unit case of juice boxes work for an 11-student preschool class, realizing you are never going to get there, and winding up buying 20 boxes in order to provide for all 11 students.

- Doing all that shopping at 11:30 at night because that's when you realized you had forgotten your child has preschool snacks in the morning.

- Having to explain to your lively 6-year old that, despite how he feels, the doctor says he has bronchitis and his oxygen levels are low, so he needs to STOP RUNNING IN THE HOUSE AND SIT AND WATCH A MOVIE.

- Simultaneously talking up the yucky medicine to your 6-year old has to take while talking it down to your 4-year old who is feeling left out because she doesn't get any medicine to take.

- Making rules for when and how your daughter is allowed to sing the song she created that involves her swinging her little tushie and belting out "itsy-bitsy itsy-bitsy BOTTOM!"

- Climbing into your bed at night, stretching your arm out under your pillow, and coming up with a handful of Polly Pockets.

- Pulling out the checkbook at the grocery store and watching two Candy Land cards fall out.  (And why are you using a checkbook instead of a debit card?  Because the children have been in your purse and you no longer know where the debit card IS, of course.)

- Rescuing Polly Pockets from a glass of milk your two-year-old saw fit to drown them in.

- Taking a four-hour drive with your husband for the sole purpose of having time to talk to him alone and uninterrupted...mostly.

- Planning to get up at 6:00 am to go grocery shopping without the kids...only to have your 2-year-old wake up at 5:30, so you have to take him with you.

It is never, ever boring around here.

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