It's His Turn!

Well, the time has come. For years now, my two older children, Joshua and Anna, have featured prominently on this blog. Their antics and funny sayings have filled the net-waves while my youngest, Matthew, has been somewhat in the background. That is not to say he doesn't do anything funny. On the contrary, he is one of the funniest tiny people I know! It's just that it's hard to translate a one-year old's tales into the written medium and have it still be funny. Lots of things happen that my husband and I find hilarious, but that are hard to to comunicate to the rest of you effectively.

However, the time has come, and it is now Matthew's turn at the spotlight.

Last week the kids and I went to my parents' house for a little mini-vacation time. The previous week, we had decided to start letting Matthew sleep in his siblings' room at night in his Pack n Play, so I continued the practice at the grandparents' house. (Up until this point, Matthew had been sleeping in his crib in our room, mostly due to space constrictions.) I set up the Pack n Play in the older kids' room and put him in it for bedtime. He fussed at being fenced in - until he discovered that, at Mema and Grandpa's house (and Mema and Grandpa's house only), the older kids had a TV in their room and got to watch a movie to go to sleep. As soon as The Incredibles came on, he quit crying and stared up and the TV, then glared at me with a look that clearly said "They get movies in here?! I've been staying in this house at least once a month for the past 16 months of my life and I NEVER KNEW THEY GOT MOVIES IN HERE?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"

The next day, during "quiet time," I decided to go ahead at let him stay in their room, even though at home we usually do naptime back in our room in his usual crib. At home, the older kids play during quiet time, and thus Matthew would never get to sleep...but at the grandparents' house, they got to watch videos, and I figured everyone would chill out and rest. We had just had a huge, exhausting morning of running around and doing a jumping bouncy-thing play place, so I thought if he was just forced to be still for 5 minutes, he would go to sleep.

Ah, the naivete of mothers, even ones who are on their third kids.

Mom and I had been downstairs for about 15 minutes when we heard Joshua make the following statement (in an obvious I-don't-want-to-get-in-trouble-for-tattling-but-I-think-Mom-should-know-this-voice) from the room above us:

"Hey, how did Matthew get out of his crib?"

Mom and I looked at each other. Oh, surely not...

But yes, yes indeed. Matthew had not gone right to sleep, as I had hoped. Instead he had put his time and talents to good use and figured out to pull and swing his tiny, powerful little body up and out of the Pack n Play. I found him snuggled up next to his brother, and when I walked in the room, he glanced up at me with a look that said "What?"

Wondering if it was a fluke of some sort (I know, I know, but I was hoping!), I put him back in the Pack n Play to see what would happen. He immediately swung his solid little left leg up and, working his freakishly strong toddler body around, managed to pull the rest of himself up and over. (Matthew is going to be our linebacker. He is a solid mass of muscle and strength.)

We let him stay up for that afternoon, thus making sure that he was exhausted enough in the evening to fall right asleep in the Pack n Play that night. When we got home the next day, I put him in the Pack n Play that night to see if he would make the connection from the other one. Yep. Within minutes, he was out of the thing and up on his sister's bed, thumping her in the head going "Na! Na! Na!" (Matthew-ese for "Anna.")

So he's back in our room in the crib. And I am just praying he doesn't figure out how to climb out of his crib anytime soon...but I really don't have much hope for it. Watch out - the monkey is loose!

Things Overheard in My House, Part 5

"Anna, do not rub the blueberry on your foot." - Mom

"I can't stand on the potty. I might fall in. And I don't want to fall in the potty. I would miss Rocko." - Anna, age 3

"If you drink all your milk you can put your foot on the table." - Joshua, age 5, making his own dinner table rules

"HAT!" - Matthew, age 16 months

"I'm going to get hurt if I see a giant tomato." - Anna

"Anna, you can't go outside naked." - Dad

"Matthew, quit eating the paper towels." - Mom (kid'll eat paper towels, but the turkey sandwich at lunch, THAT he throws on the floor)

"I don't want to be your sister anymore!" - Anna, directed at Joshua in a fit of rage

"BAT!" - Matthew

Joshua: "I hurt my back!"
Dad: "Do you want me to make it better?"
Joshua, sounding annoyed: "No, you won't make it better, you'll just give me a buffalo kiss."

"Thank you Jesus for Mommy's ear." - Anna

"BALL! BALL! BALL! BALL!" - Matthew

"Anna, stop playing with your cheese." - Mom

"Why is that guy locked up?" - Joshua, while watching a baseball game with his father and seeing the manager behind some sort of fence

"I don't know how to do hard work." - Anna

Dad: "I found my Mp3 player!"
Anna: "PRAISE JESUS!"

"MORE!" - Matthew

"Dad, you know when you go to work tomorrow? (Since) We cleaned up our room...you COULD bring us a prize..." - Joshua

Anna: "Daddy? Why did the poopy diaper go on the road?"
Dad: "I don't know, Anna, why?"
Anna: "Because he's a poopy diaper! Get it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"NA!" - Matthew, calling out his sister's name!

"HALLELUJAH!" - Anna

And, finally, a conversation I am pretty sure does not happen in just anyone's house:

Mom: "Anna, when you go to preschool next year, you cannot take your clothes off when you go to the bathroom."
Anna: "Got it, Mom!"
Mom: "NO BEING NAKED AT SCHOOL EVER."
Anna: "Deal?"
Mom: "Deal!"

I Don't Even Know How to Title This One

Anna came crying to her father this morning, whining and screaming in an incredibly high-pitched tone that was entirely indecipherable to the human ear.

"Anna," her father patiently answered,"Please use a big-girl voice. You do not need to whine like that. I can't understand you. Now, can you tell me what you wanted to tell me in a big-girl voice?"

Anna took a big breath and said "Joshua took away my pretend ball!"

There was a moment of silence while my husband tried to find the appropriate response to this declaration.

"Well, Anna," he finally said, "Can't you get another pretend ball?"

"BUT DADDY! THERE ARE NO MORE PRETEND BALLS!"

My everlastingly patient husband paused another moment and said "Anna, I don't even know how to respond to that."

But that was ok, because by this time Anna had moved on to the next thing.

The day-to-day absurdity of our lives never ceases to amaze me.

Mustn't Disturb Baby Sara!

A nightly ritual at our house is the Cleaning of The Living Room. This activity, aimed at cleaning the messes of the day, is often combined with another family ritual - The Fight to Get Anna to Clean Up. She hates cleaning up, and she will fight us with everything she can come up with to get out of it - including her wild imagination.

Tonight her father was directing clean-up time while I made dinner. He asked Anna to pick up a particular toy and take it to her room. She immediately protested: "I CAN'T!"

"Oh really?" my husband replied. "And why is that?"

"Because Baby Sara will be MAD at me!"

Now lest you think that we have added yet another tiny member of the family while you weren't looking, I should explain at this point that Baby Sara is Anna's favorite, most special baby doll.

"Really? And why will Baby Sara be mad?" my husband queried.

"Because she's asleep and I might WAKE HER UP!!"

Well, we wouldn't want to wake up Baby Sara, now would we? After all, it is a hard and fast rule in our house: NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING BABY.

In this case, however, an exception would have to be made.

"Why don't you just go in very quietly," my husband told Anna, trying not to laugh.

"Ok Daddy," Anna whispered, and tiptoed off to her room to put away the toy.

Sean has since wondered if we might use Baby Sara's emotions to our benefit in the future. I pointed out that really only Anna knows how she feels about things, so that plan might backfire. We'll have to see. In the meantime -shhh! We mustn't wake Baby Sara!

Things Overheard in My House, Part 4

"Joshua, don't bother me, I'm trying to go POTTY!" - Anna, age 3

"We have to go to Mema and Grandpa's house or our TEETH WILL FALL OUT!" - Anna

"I'm not Joshua, I'm SUPER-JOSHUA!" - Joshua, age 5

"It's time to get your 'life is but a dream' costume on!" - Anna

"I AM NOT A CHICKEN NUGGET!" - Mommy, protesting the new game of "I'm gonna eat you," which involved everyone pretending to eat Mommy's leg

"I have jammies on! I'm JAMMY-MAN!" - Joshua

"Joshua, don't psych me out!" - Anna (Where the heck did she get THAT? From her 1990s time machine?)

"I'm cold! I'm COLD-MAN!" - Joshua

"Here Daddy. You can sleep with Rocko. He'll make you feel better." - Anna to her Daddy when Daddy was sick

"Here's a blanket - I'm REST-MAN!" - (Guess who)

"Is Jesus coming back today?" "I don't know for sure, but probably not." "AWWW! I want to see Him! I LOVE HIM!" - Perhaps my favorite conversation with Anna EVER.

"Joshua, why are you arguing with me?" "I'm not arguing, I'M RIGHT!" - Mommy and Joshua (and my parents can stop laughing now)

"Razors make me poop." - Anna (she got razors and raisins mixed up)

"I have jammies on my shoulder! I'm SHOULDER-MAN!"

"Rocks are things you leave on the ground. Rockos are treasures you pick up for your treasure box." - Anna explaining the difference between Rockos and plain rocks to her little buddy

"Get off the spaceship! WE NEED MORE BLANKETS!" - Joshua

"...and pray that we don't lose our keys..." - Anna during prayer time (always a good one for our family)

"Jesus is going to fall out of the sky!" "No, Anna, He's not going to fall, it's not like He's going to have an accident." "Jesus is going to PEE HIS PANTS?!" - Conversation trying to explain Jesus coming back to Anna

"There was a TOMATO while we were driving!" - Joshua (1. It's "tornado," not "tomato" and 2. It was just a thunderstorm.)

"Anna, why are you naked and covered in stickers?" - On my list of "things I never imagined myself saying."

"I'm RIGHT-MAN!"

Mommy: "Do you guys know what a tornado is?"
Anna: "Yes! It's food."
Mommy: "No, Anna, that's tomato."

"Why are you a sandwich?" - Anna singing a random song

Joshua: "I'M STRONG!"
Anna: "And I'm THREE!"

"Anna, who is cuter than you?" "HOBBES!" - Conversation between Daddy and Anna. He was asking rhetorically. And Hobbes...is my parents' cat.

"Knock Knock! "Who's there?" "ANNA!" "Anna who?" "Umm...Anna I swim in the ocean GLUB GLUB GLUB!"

"MOMMY!! Anna kicked over my tower!"
"Anna, Joshua works really hard on his towers, please don't knock them down."
"But MOM! I'm using my SUPER SIDE-KICK!"

And finally, my husband's favorite entry:

"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" " Daddy!" "Daddy who?" "DADDY I LOVE YOU!!!" (Anna)

I Hate It When That Happens

I was taking a shower this past weekend, and as I was finishing up, Anna - who has never had much of a modesty issue - came bursting into the bathroom.

"Umm, Anna? " I asked, throwing a towel on, "what do you need?"

"I have to give you some vanilla chocolate ice cream! HERE!" She thrust her little finger in my face which, apparently, held some ice cream.

Anxious to get the bathroom back to myself, I "ate" the "ice cream" that was in her hand, said thank you, and she ran back out of the room.

Two minutes later I was in my room trying to get dressed, when here came Anna again.

"MOM!" she yelled urgently as she tried to open the door.

"Anna, I'm getting dressed, can you wait?"

"BUT I HAVE TO GIVE YOU ICE CREAM!"

"Let me get dressed, sweetie, and then you can give it to me."

"OK MOM!" she responded, and I heard little footsteps patter off.

30 second later, this is what I hear:

"I'M SORRY MOM! I ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!"

Trying not to laugh too hard, I assured her that it was just fine, I would be all right without my "ice cream."

But seriously...don't you just hate it when you just can't stand it any longer and eat all your imaginary ice cream?

Things Overheard at My House, Part 3

"ANNA! TAKE YOUR DINOSAUR OUT OF YOUR MILK!"

Anna: "Joshua's hands are sticky, so can we have another snack?"

Conversation between Mommy and Joshua, about a week after his 5th birthday:
"I'M ALMOST SIX NOW!"
"Joshua, you are not almost six."
"Yes I am! Six comes after five, remember? One two three four five SIX! I'm almost SIX!"

Anna, bargaining for candy during lunchtime: "Can I have candy now? I touched my strawberries!"

Anna and Daddy:
"Daddy, you say 'I love you,' and I'll say I love you too."
"I love you."
"I LOVE YOU TOO!!"

Another conversation between Mommy and Joshua, about a week after his 5th birthday:
"I want Bumblebee for my next birthday."
"Joshua, I don't want to hear about what you want for your next birthday, it's a long ways away."
"But I'm almost SIX! Then seven, then eight, then nine, then ten, then eleven, then twelve...I'm going to be THIRTEEN!!!"

"Anna, I think Buzz Lightyear wants you to eat your lunch."
"No, Buzz wants me to play with HIM."

Anna: "Mom, Matthew's stinky!"
Mommy: "You're right, do you want to change him?
Anna: "No, I'm not the Mom."

Joshua to his sister: "EWWWW!!! STOP LICKING THE COUCH!"

"Anna, don't dip Barbie in your shake."

Anna after a trip to the bathroom: "LOOK MOM! A whole FAMILY of stinkies!"

Joshua: "I'm five now, but I still can't reach the ceiling."

Anna, riding in the van: "Oh NO! We're trapped by a traveling goose!"

Daddy: "Do you realize that in five years, Joshua will turn 10?"
Mommy: "Yes, and Anna will turn eight."
Anna: "I'm not gonna turn eight! I'm gonna turn PURPLE!

And finally, overheard while Daddy was trying to weave spiritual lessons into the nightly story...

"Joshua, Anna and Matthew were walking through the forest, but they weren't alone, because, guys, who is always with you?"
Joshua: "CHIPMUNKS!!!"